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New Favorite Song from the Road

I don’t listen to the radio. Not at home. Not to and from work. I usually move through life in silence – unless I go somewhere where music is playing OR I am on a road trip and need the music to help me to go the next mile of a long trip. Thanksgiving provided the motivation for my last road trip that had me taking the Southern route. The entire trip was over 1500 miles. I listened to a lot of radio. One of the best discoveries (it was a discovery because I had never heard of this song nor the artist), was a song titled “Take Me to Church” by Hozier. Each time I heard it, I was in an automatic good mood to have heard something that I LIKED.

Below are two videos, one is the original video and the other is video of his live performance on Saturday Night Live.

The Joy, The Gift, The Art…

Of reading.

I know it is after Christmas and the lead-in seems to cover many nouns that describe the holiday season. However, the two words in the opening paragraph are here to disabuse you of that notion. This post is about the joy of reading. It is about the gift of reading. It is about the art of reading. In short, this post is about reading. Plain and simple.

Earlier today, I read a post on Twitter that referred to this article from The Guardian:

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/oct/15/neil-gaiman-future-libraries-reading-daydreaming

The article provided a rather startling statistic/common practice – future prison capacity is largely projected by the number of 10-11 year-olds who currently can’t read. Although the writer, Neil Gaiman, goes on to explain that the numbers do not have a direct correlation, he does make it clear that the number of jail cells needed in the future does factor in this subset of fifth and sixth graders. That is a frightening correlation.

Gaiman then goes on to describe what benefit reading fiction provides to children (and adults). I really would like all to read the article, therefore I won’t go into great detail about what he says. One of the benefits, reading to find out what happens next in a story, is a Pavlovian-like response for me. It was that way when I was a child who would stay up all night to complete an extremely interesting book and continues to be that way as an adult who cannot stay up all night but will stay up past my bedtime to reach a stopping point. That need to know what happens next can also be regarded as curiosity, something with which I am very well acquainted. It is the motive for so many seemingly random things that I do.

Another point Gaiman touches on is empathy. The process of reading is an active use of imagination that combines the author’s imagination to create the original story that is committed to paper and the reader’s imagination to make the words come to life in the reader’s mind. With recreating the black and white words that appear on paper into emotions that are recreated by the reader, empathy is achieved. Ever read a book and feel as if you have walked a mile in the character’s shoes? You have empathy to thank for that. Although the process of reading a book is often a solitary pursuit, it allows us as readers to connect with the experiences of those who are not us, those who are not like us and those we do not know intimately. Reading has the power to make a stranger’s existence something about which we should care when there are no other cues otherwise.

One of the most profound benefits of reading is one with which I struggle with constantly – the ability to see that things do not necessarily need to be the way that they are. I am currently not far from Ferguson, a place that now only goes by one name like Madonna or Matisse but for all the wrong reasons. If it had not been for books that I’ve read or the experiences books have inspired me to have, I would not be able to deal with the reality of the place that I find myself. Even those buttresses of knowledge and experience are worn thin in places, however I find myself grateful in knowing, by reading and experiencing, that this is not the way of the entire world, nor is it the way things must be. I take solace in that many Twitter posts that I read from protesters make references to a different vision for this area. The written legacies of those who have come before them provide an alternative vision of how things can be that I hope they can bring to fruition. There is power in knowing that Ferguson today seems like Birmingham of yesterday and realizing that the Birmingham of yesterday no longer exists.

Libraries. This is one of the last points on which Gaiman touches. I have had a well-used library card almost everywhere I have lived. Libraries, to me, are repositories of people, places, things, ideas and experiences all (or most anyway) under one roof. For that which is not under the same roof, there is inter-library loan. Within the four walls of libraries, I have discovered new ideas, checked out movies and music not necessarily within my range of interest, used the computers when my internet service was not on or not working, listened to a guest speaker present information on a topic that seemingly had no relevance to me but quickly caught my interest. The library always has and always will be like a light that illuminates darkness. Libraries will always draw me as if in a daze for it is there that I have found some of the best things.

Another post about the importance/benefit of reading:
International Literacy Day

PS:

Men, one of the quickest ways to attract my attention is to have a book whose title I cannot read from where I am sitting; that is, if I think you are somewhat attractive. If you are not attractive, I will still be curious, just not interested in getting to know for a relationship. Just the other day, I was sitting in a waiting room and an older man sat next to me, carrying a library book. I had my Italian language book to help me pass the time but couldn’t help but ask what he was reading. That simple question started a conversation that meandered into the two of us exchanging information about travel – our completed travels and travel dreams. We were not looking at the other as potential life partners (he was easily 20 years my senior), however, for a few moments we both shared the light in our eyes over the details of completed trips and dreams of future, unplanned travel. We have books to thank for the pleasant passing of time in an otherwise boring setting.

The Fullness of the Blood Moon

The moon has a central position in folklore and old wives’ tales.  As I progress through life, one of the things I notice is that old wisdom that was discounted in the past, actually holds some truths.  Tomorrow’s full moon has had an especial strong affect on me.  From days ago.  I have been extremely emotional and hormonal (<–thus emotional) leading up to this moon.  Even my cats have been different, more aggressively clingy.

This month’s moon is a Blood Moon because the color will have a red cast to it.  In addition to it being a differently colored moon, there will also be an eclipse of the moon.  A double whammy.  I’m not an astrologer so I can’t say what that portends but ever so often, the planets do things in the sky that I would like to actually witness.  This may be one of those things that is dependent on if I can wake up and get moving…

If you are awake, enjoy nature’s pageantry in the sky.  If you’re not awake, may your day not be topsy-turvy when you do awaken.

Show Me the Man That You Really Are

After yesterday’s angst anger-filled post, I decided to turn the tables a degree by writing a poem.  A gentle poem that conveys a more positive scenario (hopefully to ward off the return of more Saturday Night Guys in a different body).  I read a spiritual post this morning about transmutation, changing or transforming something negative into something positive.  This is my attempt to do just that.

Show Me the Man That You Really Are

Show me the man that you really are
Not the fancy clothes or the fancy car

Show me the man that you really are
Whether you think you are above average or sub-par

Show me the man that you really are
From a close distance, not from afar

Show me the man that you really are
In the moments of light and the shadows of dark

For after you show me the man that you really are
That is when I will know to give you my love and my heart

Show me the man that you really are.

And that is today’s exercise in transmutation…

Losing My Personhood

Saturday night, I went out to an art fair where local artists exhibited their work at local businesses.  The event was complete with food, drinks and music throughout the business district.  I randomly strolled through some shops that I had never thought to walk into before.  As I strolled solo through the streets, eventually, I ran into someone that I know from being at Starbucks from time to time (the second person that night actually).  She was there with her boyfriend.

While standing talking, three men approached and one of them started a conversation complete with introductions all around.  A few minutes into the introductions, the direction of his conversation became a little more pointed – was I married, so forth, etc.  I deflected his attention with “seeing someone”.  He and his friends moved their personal party up the street and we moved mid-street.  At one point, I wanted to check out the band that was playing on a corner and drifted off for a second – long enough to re-attract the attention of Mr. Life of the Party.  Since I was alone, he had the opportunity to say what he couldn’t say in mixed company.

Initially, his comments were relatively benign.

“I would love to give you my number so that we can go out.”

“I would love to buy you a drink or something to eat.”

“You have a beautiful smile.”

“You really are an attractive woman.”

He went on to explain to me that he had his own house that was paid for and a car that was also paid for.  In addition, he mentioned that he ran a company.  He made the distinction that he did not OWN the company but could pretty much do as he pleased when it came to his job.  He mentioned that he enjoyed going out and having a good time such as what he was doing that night.

At a certain point during the conversation, he made me want to punch him in the mouth…

“You are slim and petite just like I prefer my women.  Ahhh, the things we could do together (as voice and thoughts fade off).  If I walked into a party with THAT on my arm, everybody would be looking my way.”

This is not an exact replay of what he said because I was not recording his conversation.  However, within three minutes of our “private” conversation he had told me he owned his house, he owned his car and had a high-paying job with next-to ultimate responsibility (I’m assuming the level of responsibility had a corresponding level of pay).  Too much of the wrong information.

I.  HATE.  THAT.

In the course of his “eloquently waxing poetic” about my fitting his petite preference, he also completely objectified me by calling me THAT.  His exact word, verbatim, was THAT when he referred to my envy-making potential if he made an entrance with me by his side.

I.  HATE.  THAT.  EVEN.  MORE.

Am I not a living, breathing person?  Do I not have thoughts and feelings?  Or am I a vehicle for someone, who is obviously hell-bent on impressing others, to further impress?  When did we start conversationally substituting the pronoun you (representing a person) with the pronoun that (representing an object)?  Is that en vogue now?

Men who feel an all-consuming need to impress others (me included) are the ultimate turnoff.  I was married to someone who was concerned about impressing others.  It was frustrating and tiring because every action was calculated for effect.  There is no room for doing something just for the hell of it or the love of it when your goal is to impress.  Purchases are not made based on the merits of the product but the name associated with the product and, again, the ability to impress.  To this day, I feel that we married early so that my ex-husband could have bragging rights of having married before his brother.  My ex-husband married me more for my looks than for the way he felt about me.  Today, years later, his brother is still married and we, of course, are not.

Post-divorce, I met someone else with whom I was involved.  He would talk about his desire for us to take a trip to a town in Florida that is not readily thought of when it concerns Florida.  I thought nothing of it.  He mentioned his hobbies, one of which was skydiving, which, again, I thought nothing of.  He later purchased an Audi two-door convertible sports car.  It wasn’t until I went to a party and met several of his friends that I understood that he too was someone overly consumed with the need to not only impress but compete.  While at the party, I met a friend that he talked about quite frequently.  I also met his girlfriend.  The friend’s girlfriend and I looked very similar, I was just younger.  During the course of my conversation with the girlfriend, she mentioned that the couple loved to drive down to Florida to the now, not so random town.  She even mentioned that he would let the top down in his less fancier, non-Audi but still convertible sportscar on the way down there.  One of his hobbies?  You guessed it, skydiving.  During one conversation, I was presented with all the ways that my boyfriend, whose behavior I could never completely understand, was hellbent on impressing (and even one-upping) one man – his so-called friend.  I was just a bit player in a life my boyfriend was imitating while his friend was living his true life.

Ultimately, I would like to have a relationship.  Not just the physical relationship that seems to be top of mind for many men, rather an emotional, physical, love and friendship-based relationship.  Being referred to as THAT, being seen as a body-type and being used as a proxy for making good impressions is antithetical to that.  It is also something of which I’m pretty tired.  If anything, let us just be. Together.

High-Rise Emergency

Today started off similar to any other day, then, it took a sharp left turn.  I work above the 20th floor of a high-rise building.  One of my coworkers went downstairs for her smokebreak and then called me to report that there was some type of building emergency.  During the state of emergency, elevators could be taken to go downstairs but not upstairs.  Tenants and guests were directed to go upstairs using the freight elevators.  Later, as details emerged, a suspicious package was received by one of the tenants.  Ultimately, the fire department, the police department, EMS and Homeland Security (the heavyweights) were here to assess the danger of said suspicious package.  Another coworker who was arriving when this was winding down said the EMS took someone away.

Just think, I had just complained to a friend that I had a boring life…

Stillness and Intent

In the past, I have had an amazing array of occurrences in my life that seemed to flow in the direction I wanted my life to go.  My time living in Saint Louis was a phenomenal period in which I learned to go with the flow more and to release my white-knuckled grip on the illusion that I controlled or ran things.  Now, I find myself drifting in a seemingly directionless current whose path appears, at best, to be random.  On a deeper level, I know it’s not been completely random because I’ve had the benefit of 20/20 hindsight to provide clarity to some of my previous experiences.  I now feel the need to insert a little bit of direction/intention so that I can move in what would seem more of a progression towards what I would like out of life.


While in Saint Louis, I primarily worked on intentions alone and reached out to others when I needed a boost.  Now, I would like to work with others to focus on intentions.  There are several things that I need/want/desire to make happen, surgery is just the start of one of them.  In addition, I also recognize that others could benefit from working together in order to co-create a different reality for themselves as well.  For several months, I have toyed around with the idea of getting a group together in order to do meditation while focusing on our intentions.  I have Reiki Level II attunements and can help be the “boost” that I’ve sought in the past to those who are attempting to gain some type of foothold on creating a different reality.  Even without a specific intention, the group (and I) could benefit from stepping out of time for a moment and just being in THAT moment.  At this point, the idea with which I had been toying is becoming more of a strong desire/compulsion.  When things make it to this stage, I comply.  Within the week, I will put the makings of a group out there and see what transpires…


Speaking of meditation, during the same time The Pauper and the Queen came through me, I also had a poem of visual meditation come through (literally on the same day).  Unfortunately, I don’t spend much time following my own poetic visualization but maybe it can help someone else.

 

Meditation

Take in a very deep inhalation

So that every cell feels exhilaration

Pulling in an ebb of vast positive energy

Giving your mind, body and spirit synergy

 

Follow this with a moment to exhale

And let your problems set sail

Then on the outbound flow

Just let all those worries go

 

Let your mind release old worries

As it slows its pace to absolutely no hurry

See the worries as useless debris

Floating further and further out to sea

 

Feel your body release its tension

As peaceful relaxation becomes your intention

Let your body be cradled by the gentle motion of the sea

Just as a mother’s loving arms cradles her baby

 

Feel your spirit become one with creation as it expands

So that you now touch everything, but not with your hands

Expand your consciousness to exist and just be

In a state of being that has no future and no history

From Disappointment to Hope

After having been introduced to Ennio Morricone through Yo-Yo Ma’s translation of soundtrack hits using stringed instruments, I went beyond the Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone album to fully explore Morricone’s music.  I rented movies from Netflix whose soundtracks he scored.  I rented a VHS tape from the school library and watched it with my then-boyfriend (who still had a VCR).  I even watched a movie online (illegally) because I could only find it at a download site.  Listening to Yo-Yo Ma’s amazing renditions were one thing (he successfully translated Ecstasy of Gold to strings after all).  However, experiencing the original music en scene provided more depth to what was, previously, an auditory experience only.  I was hooked…


Although Morricone was presented with the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Academy Awards, he does not perform often in the United States.  There have been times when I’ve been out of the country and found that he was performing (or worse, had performed) somewhere nearby.  However, timing and money always conspired against me.  I recently made an online purchase that has me the recipient of “hey, check out our LATEST great deal” emails seemingly everyday.  Typically, I ignore them.  For some reason, Wednesday I decided to actually open one of the emails to peruse its contents before deleting and what did I discover?  A package deal for Morricone’s concert in New York!  The email came a little before two weeks in advance, the concert is in New York no less and basically impossible to do.  I was elated AND deflated within seconds.  A coworker asked me about any upcoming trips around the time I was at my deflated lowest.  I told her about how much I would have wanted to see Ennio Morricone in concert but missed the opportunity because I had just found out a few weeks in advance.  We talked about other vacation/trip related minutiae and we both then proceeded with the rest of our workday.


For some reason, I went back to look again today and what did I discover?  The concerts have been postponed because of a back problem that Morricone’s doctors did not think would heal properly with long-distance travel.  Now, instead of less than two weeks away, I have three months to see if I can make it to one of his concerts!!  I do not believe in attempting to profit from the misfortune of others but I do find that the postponement has now made a far-off dream a far closer possibility.

Ahhhh, the difference a day makes…

The song that, when I first heard it, stirred that “something” in me (album purchased based on this one song):

 

The original version from the film, Una Pura Formalita, with Gerard Depardieu on vocals:

One of Morricone’s more recognized hits, en scene:

Yo-Yo Ma’s stringed interpretation:

And, a remix: