My Life Is Falling Apart But…

Current mood:  contemplative

I’m trying to be strong. I’ve lost my job and my boyfriend all within a week of each other. I already had another issue that I was dealing with in October where I lost something else. I’m trying to keep my spirits up about the situation and it’s not as bad as it could be. I have been able to pay my utilities in advance so I have credits on my power, gas and cell phone bills (yes, cell phone is a utitility!!!). With my next check, I plan to pay my rent in advance for December and January. By my estimations, I should (hopefully) be okay with living expenses from my last check and unemployment until I figure out what I want to do with my life. I have so much chaos and turmoil right now that I don’t really know what I want, except to find a way to study in Geneva for two months. With all of my free time to think, I’m now able to go back to some of my dreams that I ignored because I was too distracted.

I am fortunate in that I have a class that I enjoy and look forward to attending. The other class is a BORE but it does offer some interesting insight when I’m fully alert to absorb it. I feel that my life right now is about exploring possibilities and school is the perfect place for me to explore those possibilities and also expand my horizons further (they’re pretty expansive as it is). I have no idea what the outcome of all these changes will be but I am trying to keep a positive, optimistic outlook.

Petitefreespirit isn’t as free-spirited as she generally is but hopefully she’ll make a comeback soon. I miss having a twinkle in my eye that’s not a tear and having a smile on my face that starts in my heart.

Currently listening:
Corinne Bailey Rae
By Corinne Bailey Rae
Release date: 20 June, 2006

Tu Me Manques

Current mood:  sad

Category: Romance and Relationships

When we tell someone that we miss them in English, we say I miss you. However in French and Italian, the sentiment is expressed by saying you are missing to me.

I’m suffering from that right now, whether I choose to say it in French, Italian or English. I’m missing someone right now that I’ve grown to enjoy and anticipate being around. To say that we are on a hiatus could be wrong, saying that it is over could be wrong. I personally don’t know what the right answer is but I do know that this moment isn’t a good one. I feel as if I’ve purchased the penthouse suite at the Heartbreak Hotel and am captive there. I don’t want my life to be/feel like this.

I’m not really listening to the entire Santana CD, just his version of Europa.

Currently listening:
The Best of Santana
By Santana
Release date: 31 March, 1998

Most Is Well Within My Soul

Current mood:  optimistic

I’ve received quite a few words of encouragement from the “soul cry” post earlier this week. I just wanted to give an update to those who may read what I write to let you know that most is well within my soul now. Circumstances are a little funky but my soul feels healthy at this moment to weather the storm.

Have a good weekend everyone.

The Difference A Day Makes

Current mood:  sad

Yesterday I was happy. Today, based on circumstances of my own (un)doing, I find myself rather desolate and sad. Within the past 24 hours I’ve experienced some setbacks that are beating my spirit into mush. I’ve lost my usual optimism and I now feel as if the air has been punched out of my stomach. The situation even feels as if it is going to adversely affect my budding relationship. More so than anything else, that is my biggest fear – to lose something that I wanted/needed after having found it.

I Think I May Be Off The Market…

I’ve not been online with any frequency lately and have not had the opportunity to share the news (except with my “I really do know you” friends). I’ve met someone who is very nice and wonderful. We’ve spent a lot of time together since meeting and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I won’t make anyone too sick with step-by-step details but I will say that I’m very happy and content and feel as if I’ve met the person I had been quietly and fervently asking the Universe to send. Thank you Universe!

If I’ve disgusted you, you may now proceed to throw up with total abandon…

How Are You Supposed To Get Your Shop On?!?!

Current mood:  crushed

Wal-Mart Stores to Cease Layaway Service

Now I don’t know about anyone else but yes there are some things I couldn’t have gotten if it were not for layaway. I have a Pioneer stereo, an entertainment center with two bookcases (full of books I might add), a desk and a comfortable mattress set courtesy of LAYAWAY. I’m not trying to buy all of the Christmas gifts and back-to-school clothes for my children (mainly because I don’t have children – yet) but think of how difficult this will make Christmas and back-to-school for those who do rely on Wal-Mart’s layaway availability to make their purchases. I shed a tear and spill a drop of Kool-Aid on the floor for the death of layaway at yet another retail chain.

Enough about me, what purchase did you make on layaway? Do tell…

Kisses

This is yet another example of me being here when I have something more pressing to attend to (right now I should already be in the shower getting ready for work). However this thought occurred to me and I wanted to share.

I like to kiss when I’m kissing someone I truly want to kiss. I’m not a quick kisser either. I like to wait so that I know I’m truly comfortable with the person I’m about to kiss. I really consider a kiss to be a silent approval of the person for sex later (could be minutes later or days later). If for some reason I have no desire to kiss someone, I also wouldn’t want to have sex with them.

Good kisses are a bliss and passion creating phenomenon. However I would like to share with you the one type of kiss that screams for the other person to stop – the unhinged-jaw-face-swallowing-passion-killer. I’ve had people do that, much to my utter chagrin and consternation. Why? I don’t need you to push your tonsils forward into my oral cavity in order to proclaim your passion or lust for me. Kissing shouldn’t look like CPR in action nor should I need CPR after you’ve kissed me. The funny thing is, the people who’ve done that were not people I had considered for anything beyond conversation. Maybe they were sensing my lack of interest and thought sharing their tonsils would somehow provide that needed push so that I would find them sexy? Ewwwwww!!!!!!!

Just a silly thought for those who may read my blog someday and a reprimand for those who unhinge their jaws to kiss.

Have a wonderful day today or whenever you read this! Go kiss someone afterwards…

AIDS In The Black Community – An Issue That Hits Close To Home

I was too lazy a moment ago to type anything into tonight’s other blog but have decided to gut it out and type a little something about my rather somber topic – AIDS in the Black (African-American, Colored, Nubian, fill in the blank) community.

A lot of time, energy and money is spent on trying to solve the issue of AIDS around the world. By the year 2010, five countries (Ethiopia, Nigeria, China, India, and Russia) with 40 percent of the world’s population will add 50 to 75 million infected people to the worldwide pool of HIV disease.¹ However the problem is not only proliferating in other countries but right here at home as well. A little too close to home for me because I am a part of the community that is silently being devastated by the disease.

By race, 54 percent of the new infections in the United States occur among African Americans, and 64 percent of the new infections in women occur in African American women.¹ I’m not using the statistics as an accusation but rather as a talking point to open dialogue. With those kinds of statistics, most of us (us being African-Americans) know someone or a couple of someones who are HIV positive – more than likely you don’t know their status. I myself both know someone and faced a scare a couple of years ago. Because of this incident, I try to be more careful with what I do (and what I allow others to do), pitch in with organizations that work with AIDS in the community and the hardest/easiest thing of all – talk about it.

Unfortunately in our community, we have not come to terms with or moved beyond the stigma surrounding the disease. As a result, we’ve created a vacuum of silence in which those who are positive must live and a vacuum of silence around the magnitude of the problem. I’m glad to see that the issue is being addressed on network television so that it may (hopefully) open a national dialogue, force us to acknowledge the problem and attempt to address it with love and compassion.

This has been my tired and exhausted attempt to write about this tonight before the segment airs tomorrow (Thursday). Maybe you’ll see something a little more thought provoking later…

¹ Until There’s A Cure

 


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

ABC probes AIDS crisis among American blacks

By Erik Pedersen

Reuters

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – “There is a crisis in America that almost nobody wants to talk about.”

It sounds like just another attention-grabbing opening line for a TV newsmagazine story about impending doom tied to bird flu or maybe killer bees. But this time, the ominous tone is warranted and difficult to shrug off.

“Out of Control: AIDS in Black America,” a special edition of “Primetime” on ABC, encounters a brace of touchy subjects — from race and sex to politics and religion — in an attempt to carve through the apathy that engulfs this issue. The numbers are numbing: Blacks make up 13% of the U.S. population but 50% of all new AIDS cases, including 68% among women. “We should be in the streets,” one activist says.

The report lists five main reasons the crisis has mushroomed, and each is backed up by strong arguments both subjective (interviews with politicians, clergy and ordinary people) and objective (hard numbers). “Out of Control” is alarming without being alarmist; it hammers away in making its case but is never judgmental. That includes reporter Terry Moran’s tough but fair questioning of Jesse Jackson.

Moran took over the story from Peter Jennings, who briefly appears sitting in on a support group of HIV-positive black men. The piece was taped 10 days before Jennings was diagnosed with the cancer that claimed his life last year. He would have been proud of this report — if not the need for it.

Reuters/Hollywood Reporter

Sleep Study Is Over!

I look like the Bride of Frankenstein because of the paste used to apply the electrodes to my head is caught in my hair. Ewww!

No sleep apnea seen. The doctor will still need to evaluate the scans to know if there is some kind of off-pattern brain activity. That happens later this month.

Right now, I think I will attend to my FrankenMonster hair…