Category: MySpace Archive

I ran across this article and found it to be so sweet and romantic. It appeals to me because they were found embracing. I am a sucker for a hug from the one with whom I’m involved so the idea of us dying in this pose really struck me.

Enough from me, read the article. And see the photo.

Currently listening:
Que Pasa
By Gato Barbieri
Release date: 22 April, 1997

I posted a blog last month about letting go vs letting it be written by Ruth Hanna in the Spirit Seeker magazine. That article had a rather profound effect on how I chose to respond to my break-up, it literally helped me “turn the corner”. Unfortunately, I just read a moment ago that she died last month.

Currently reading:
The Secret of Shambhala: In Search of the Eleventh Insight
By James Redfield
Release date: 01 November, 2001

Current mood:  contemplative

I spoke to two friends yesterday who amazingly are going through two situations that I’ve recently gone through. I’ve been exceptionally grateful for the positive people who’ve crossed my path and helped me to remain positive in the face of my life’s personal low. Speaking to my two friends enabled me to “give back” some of the positivity that has come my way. One of the two is almost debilitated with fear. I spoke to her at length and threw out some recommendations to help her shift her focus away from her fears. Whether she is able to do it for a sustained period of time is another question but I would like to think she is looking at alternatives.

I still have my moments of fear-based thinking or situations that bring me waaaaay down as well. However, just when I’m sinking I end up with a phone call or an email that cheers me up – for that I’m grateful. Right now I don’t have everything that I want but I do end up with everything I truly need at the time that I need it. It’s those little things at just the right moment that I’m learning to appreciate more and more.

Currently reading:
The Secret of Shambhala: In Search of the Eleventh Insight
By James Redfield
Release date: 01 November, 2001

It seems my 67 year-old first time mother was involved in a little bit of truth manipulation…

She’s sassy! I admire her spunk and tenacity.

Oldest mother update

Currently listening:
Mama’s Gun
By Erykah Badu
Release date: 21 November, 2000

Current mood:  productive

If you know me personally, pick yourself up from the floor. I’ll give you a moment or two to recover.

Because I spend so much time at home and am trying to economize, I now find myself in the kitchen preparing my own meals. I can’t say that I’ve created any award-winning, chef-inspired dishes (yet) but the stove has been fired into action quite a bit recently. Sometimes I feel a sense of accomplishment after having cooked and sometimes I don’t.

One of the things that I had been meaning to cook for a long time was hot wings and homemade bleu cheese dressing. I finally did that Friday night. Everything was delicious but I kicked myself repeatedly for buying the whole wings instead of the wing pieces. I really hate handling raw meat (part of my disassociation from where the food actually comes) and found myself snapping joints to expose the cutting point. In one word, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I’ve contemplated signing up for some type of cooking class while I’m looking for a job so that I have something constructive to do with my time. Maybe I could become really excited about cooking and somehow overcome my aversion to being in the kitchen. Who knows? Maybe I’ll just read the cookbooks that I have in the kitchen and work it out on my own

A more pressing matter is what shall I prepare tonight…

Chef Petitefreespirit signing off

Currently listening:
Nouveau Flamenco
By Ottmar Liebert
Release date: 07 May, 1990

Current mood:  contemplative

Category: Life

I have a HARD TIME letting go. I mean a really hard time. When my relationship ended with my boyfriend, I struggled (and continue to struggle) with the realization that we were no longer together. That has weighed more heavily on my mind than the fact that I’m unemployed. In conjunction with my unemployment, it has been a tough time emotionally. After a rather painful conversation post-break up, I decided to work very hard on letting it go.

Yesterday while reading the same little newspaper, I ran across an article entitled “Letting It Go – Letting It Be” by Ruth Hanna, M. ED, LPC. Here is a what she says about letting it go vs letting it be:

“Here’s the difference, in my estimation: Letting go implies getting rid of something, and we may not be ready to do that. It may feel like a loss, or that something unknown will occur that we’re not all sure we’ll welcome. Who will we be without this familiar problem, even if it does bedevil us?

But letting something be says this: I can place this burden down beside me for a while, and let myself breathe more easily without it pressing on me so closely. Ah, that’s better – I feel lighter and more at ease already. Maybe I’ll pick it up again, but my grip won’t be so tight. I’m grateful to see here that I really can let it be, and let myself be, too.”

When I read this yesterday (in a public place mind you), I cried and had to go to the restroom to blow my nose (ewww!). That ended up being a nice little gem of information in a time of need. I think letting it be is a gentler approach and I will do just that. It feels good to walk around not feeling like GI Joe with the Kung-Fu grip.

If my little gems are of interest, I would like to share the website for the paper. It is Spirit Seeker.

I hope that you too are able to find something relevant for you as well.

© Spirit Seeker, January 2007, Volume 11, Number 1

Current mood:  contemplative

Category: Life

I went to my little coffee nook today to get out of the house and was reading a little newspaper about spiritual awareness, etc. As I was sitting in the chair with the sun beaming in my back (and the back of my head) providing a contrast to the cold temperatures, I started contemplating success and satisfaction after reading about a seminar discussing increasing wealth in your life. The seminar doesn’t focus on financial wealth only but financial, emotional and spiritual wealth as well.

Needless to say, the seminar appeals to me. Before being laid off, I realized there was a huge discord between the measure of my success (calculated by my salary and position) and my satisfaction (happiness with my current situation). Although I had a salary and position that was beyond my wildest imagination as little as six years ago, I was hugely dissatisfied with both. The funniest thing is that the last time I remember being satisfied with my job, I was 22-24 and struggling. However, I was the de facto night manager of a 770-room convention hotel. When problems arose overnight, I was the final authority on how to handle the situation and never had to resort to calling the manager on duty to resolve any issues. Problems included handling middle of the night SNAFUs of musician check-ins, informing unfortunate guests that the hotel was sold-out and I would need to send them to a ratty hotel nearby that was NOWHERE near comparable and even handling an employee medical emergency. I derived much satisfaction from that job.

One other time that I TRULY was satisfied, was in high school when I made a prom outfit for a friend of mine who didn’t have the traditional hourglass figure (who does?). I searched and searched and searched until I finally found a pattern that wasn’t designed for prom and transformed the simple outfit into a stunning prom outfit that everyone commented on. Her prom outfit looked better than mine by far but I was as proud as a peacock seeing everyone oooh and ahhh over my friend’s outfit.

Soooo does this mean I should be a fashion designer/night manager of a hotel in order to find satisfaction? I plan to go to the seminar (it’s free after all) and see what comes of it.

To take a line from a part of a long-range horoscope for me, “Ultimately, nothing satisfies like satisfaction”. This will be maybe my first step in my journey in search of satisfaction…

Currently listening:
Corinne Bailey Rae
By Corinne Bailey Rae
Release date: 20 June, 2006

Current mood:  creative

Words. I love to read them and I devour books with a voracious appetite. I even enjoy writing. Words, when used properly, have the power to make a child feel like a giant and they have the power to make the powerless feel empowered. The power of words can transform a simple act into an experience in which the reader is fully engaged.

A flat example of writing could be: I ate a juicy orange that tasted delicious. The idea is conveyed that the orange is delicious but the reader has no real idea of what the author experienced.

However a different approach that engages the reader could be: I peeled the skin from the orange and could smell the sweet, citrus scent escape as I revealed more and more of the flesh. I then bit into the orange instead of eating it section by section. As the juice ran from the corners of my mouth and down my hand, I felt like a four year old kid again – savoring the sweet taste of the juice, enjoying the carefree abandon of allowing the juice to temporarily run past the corners of my mouth and even enjoying the bittersweet mix of juice and orange zest as I licked the stickiness from my hands.

Do you want to go out and buy an orange now? That’s the power of words. I don’t have many New Year’s resolutions, however I do plan to work harder this year to harness my ability to use words. I may never have a job with the Florida Department of Citrus but I would like to sharpen my skills so that it could be an option…

I’ll regale you with more words throughout the year. In the meantime, Happy New Year to all who read this. May we all grow and develop ourselves this year.

Petitefreespirit

Currently listening:
Lovers Live
By Sade
Release date: 05 February, 2002

Just when I thought my biological clock was about to approach the fast, urgent ticking stage (similar to a bomb about to go off)…

Oldest mother

I have another 32 years to potentially give birth! I would say this falls into the “just because you CAN do it, should you?” category.