Favorite Stephen King Quote

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them – words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.

Stephen King

Telma and Luisa

I just spoke with a friend in Europe (time difference advantage when sleeplessness occurs) and we agreed that we have a road trip in our future.   I jokingly mentioned that it would be like Thelma and Louise but later realized the ending of the movie wasn’t the best possible outcome.  Instead, the European version of the road trip will be Telma and Luisa.  No violence.  No Brad Pitt.  However, there will be plenty of sights to see out of the window when I’m not driving (or even when I am).

This future trip will coincide with larger objectives that I have so I’m looking forward to conquering the larger objective so that the fun part, this road trip, will have the opportunity to come to pass.  At this point, the idea is somewhat hazy so intention setting has not happened.  This period of time feels like the period leading up to my going to Switzerland two years ago.  That accomplishment was based on many years of intention setting that finally manifested in my being in Geneva studying abroad spring of 2011.  For months leading up to that time, I dropped out of the social circles in which I participated and focused on school and being in Geneva.  Not only did I manage to snag a scholarship that helped offset the expense of going to one of the top ten most expensive cities in the world, but I also had an opportunity to work at a former job almost until the moment I got on the plane.  While posting the old MySpace entries, I noticed somewhere around 2008 I first mentioned studying in Geneva.  It took three years from that mention (or five years if you begin the count with my enrollment date) to make that objective come to pass.  I’m hoping this objective doesn’t take that long.  Maybe that should be a part of the intention as well – short turnaround.

Last month brought two incidents that made me remember what it was like to be “in the flow” of where my interests lie.  The first was a short conversation in French with a customer at Starbucks who was from Switzerland.  The second was a conversation with a French family vacationing in New Orleans while I was on my way to an international trade class.  Neither encounter lasted very long but they did serve as reminders of the general direction in which I would like my life to flow.  Life, flow on in THAT direction.

Imagine 2013: Taksim Square

During my pointing and clicking online, I ran into this video – imagine that.  Imagine is a powerful song although it is simple – a voice and a piano.  Yet, the song resonates. 

Dissent always interests me, so, conceptually, the location of the performance immediately drew me in.  For over two weeks, citizens in Istanbul have gathered together to protest Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan’s plans to tear up Gezi Park in order to make way for a commercial development (of all things, a mall).  In addition, prior to the park demolition, Erdoğan already announced plans to curtail the sale and use of alcohol in this Muslim, but secular, society.  Over time, the protest evolved from outrage over plans to destroy one of the last public green spaces in Istanbul to an outraged national response to the Prime Minister’s authoritarian policy changes as other cities protested in solidarity. 

As more and more citizens take to public spaces to demonstrate dissent with their government, the dissent is met with policing reminiscent of Birmingham under Bull Connor.  Yet, despite the photos of police using overwhelming force against dissenters, there also exists the underlying stories of the dissenters’ solidarity and non-violent resistance.  The establishment of a people’s library with free books.  Dissenters cleaning up the park after leaving.  The establishment of an orderly tent city. The “Standing Man”.  And last, but not least, this musical performance.  Music is a powerful tool whose use can range from hard-driving music that can cause a riot to peaceful music that can unite disparate people in solidarity.  This, obviously, is the latter.


Makes Me Wanna…

Swim!


I saw this documentary years ago on PBS and was in awe and enchanted with the cinematography.  I had already wanted to swim with dolphins prior to watching this, however, after having watched this documentary, I wanted more than ever to be able to explore the depths of the ocean and be at one with “wet” nature.  The sequences that show Umberto Pelizzari swimming with the dolphins (:20.30 mark) is and was one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in a long time.  He truly moves as if he is a part of the ocean.  He has captured the hydrodynamics (if there is such a word) of moving in the ocean to the point where his movements do not look too much different than that of the dolphins and other animals.  In addition, Pippin Ferreras and his wife, Audrey, synchronizing their swimming is beautiful as an ethereal underwater dance (:23.54).

My last name is neither Siskel nor Ebert so I will stop here and allow the documentary to be experienced firsthand.

Enjoy!


Fresh Old Stuff

One day I was searching for something on my computer when, lo and behold, I stumbled across a document that I created when I was closing my MySpace account.  The document is a copy of all the blogs I posted on MySpace from 2005 to 2008.  On one hand, it’s interesting to see the consistency of my thoughts over the years reflected through my writing.  On the other hand, the posts remind me of the struggles that I went through during the time I lived in Saint Louis – and there were many.  The time in Saint Louis was a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs that I tried to weather alone as best I could.  Many of the posts refer to hopes for an improvement in my situation, others refer to my desire for a relationship and even others refer to my valiant attempts to find some degree of happiness in the midst of the monumental changes I was going through.  Honestly, the latter posts were me trying to latch onto anything that would pull me from the spiral of depression that was ever present.  Despite the heavy nature of many of the posts, there are lighthearted moments as well.  Those usually involve my sojourns in nature or some random observation that I felt obliged to share.  It’s a mixed bag of posts covering a three-year period in the life of moi.

Of course, I will post those as well.  Stay tuned for some whimsical and wistful posts from the past…

* Special note: Employment plays a pivotal role during this three-year period.  I went from being employed for almost five years with the same company, to moving out of state for a new job, to being laid-off from that job, to working a temporary assignment that went permanent, to resigning from that position, to working a temporary assignment again, to being offered a permanent position, to the permanent position (thus the permanent employment offer) being eliminated.  After my last post began the stock-market dive and mass layoffs that signaled the beginning of the Economic Crisis of 2008.

Ready for This Kind of Love

I remember being at the movie theater watching this scene play out on the screen as if it was yesterday.  I underestimated the power of Tyler Perry’s writing abilities when this, “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”, his first movie, came to the screen.  I had heard of people talking about his plays for ages but dismissed them because they always had too much going on at one time – gospel, comedy and drama all rolled into one.  However, fate did intervene when I went to visit The First Love of My Life one weekend and we decided to go see this movie together.  When this scene ended, I had tears in my eyes because the sentiments Shemar Moore expressed went straight to my heart and truly touched me.  However, the more I tried to wipe the tears, the more I realized the source of those tears – I was sitting next to the one man I had loved the longest (over ten years at that point) and had just heard the words and sentiments expressed onscreen that I had yearned (for over ten years probably) to hear from him which would never be forthcoming.  Soon my silent tears turned into weeping.  The more I tried to control and contain it, the more they issued forth.  Soon, I just went with it and sobbed until all of the emotion that sprang forth had run its course.  It was on his shoulder that I cried, wept and sobbed.

Recently, I’ve met people who have shared tidbits about their relationships.  There was a woman who moved to a small town from Miami over forty years ago for love.  She and her husband are still together in the small town and obviously still in love.  There was another woman whose husband always buys her clothes (without her) and gets the size right.  However, when she goes to buy clothes for herself and tries them on, she can never get her own size quite right.  There was another couple where the wife explained that her husband does all the cooking, buys her clothes and purses and even brings her freshly ground and brewed coffee each morning.  All of these women were very happily involved in stable relationships with men who obviously cherished them.*

I want THAT.  I don’t need freshly ground and brewed coffee brought to me each day or even clothing or gifts purchased.  For me, the biggest way to demonstrate that I am loved and cared for and cherished is to show up in the relationship as consistently and as honestly as possible.  It is as simple and as complicated as that.

However, it’s not just that I want someone who will cherish me – that would be rather lopsided.  I want someone who I, in turn, will cherish as well.  It is so easy to say that I want to be loved and cherished and understood and cared for.  Yet, it is vitally important to me to be able to love, to cherish, to understand and to care for someone and to express those emotions without fear of him running for the hills, or worse, sticking around to take advantage of my feelings (barrier to overcome, I know).

At the end of the day, the beginning of the day and every point in between, I am ready for a steady and consistent love that I both receive and give.

* 

The heavily material nature of the conversations is based on the conversations taking place in a department store…

I Am Ready for Love.?!

For the past couple of weeks, my thoughts have centered on having a relationship again.  I’ve passed by a scenic shoreline and thought how nice it would be to walk along the beach with the one I love.  I’ve seen a beautiful sunny day where I thought to myself it would be nice to explore the city by bicycle with the one I love.  The theme song for these musings has been my favorite India.Arie song “I Am Ready for Love.”  In the post title, I have the phrase listed with different punctuation because, at times, it has been an internal affirmation, “I am ready for love.”  Other times, it has been a hesitant affirmation, “I am ready for love?”  In the most intense times, it has been an exclamation born of exasperated impatience, “I am ready for love!”  Despite the differing approaches to the statement, in the end, I am ready for love. 

In recent years, each relationship has provided phenomenal (yet painful) personal development.  I am far enough along in this personal development to know that I have amazing barriers to overcome in order to be a party to a successful relationship.  Each time a relationship opportunity presents itself, I feel as if I’m at the three-point line needing to make the game-winning shot for the final championship game.  And I miss.  Yet, in the failure of making that shot, I am able to more clearly see the barriers which need shedding and hopefully refine my approach to relationships.  I would like to think that with so many lessons behind me, I am truly now ready for the game-winning shot at love ahead…

Validation

This is a short film that illustrates the positive ripple effect that an individual has on those with whom he comes in contact.  Niiiiiiiice.  Smile.

The Case for Dignity

Valentine’s Day was last month and I thought about a coupla few things to write about love.  None of those things was written because the sheer magnitude of the angles that I could have taken was overwhelming.  I could have written about personal hopes, personal disappointments, universal hopes and disappointments, random observations (like the skywriter who wrote love messages in the New Orleans sky) – basically, any random assortment of things ran swiftly through my mind.

However, one thing did catch my attention and that was the One Billion Rising campaign where women (and men) participated in events around the world to bring awareness to violence against women by taking to public spaces to dance.  This is probably an overly simplified definition but for more accurate information from the organization’s “mouth” click here.

Still, I chose not to write about that either (except for the previous paragraph).  What I would like to take time to write about is the case for human dignity and the ways in which society, whether it is a single individual; groups of people; or institutions, deny human dignity.  Misogyny, racism, homophobia, religious persecution and all manner of other societal ills center on a common willingness to deny the innate human dignity with which each person is born.

Cobbled together definition
One of the simplest and best definitions that I saw for dignity was some unlinkable answer for the definition from Google: “The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.”  There were other definitions as well but those seemed to be based on societal qualifiers such as achievements or heritages that elevate the amount of dignity a person can expect.  Yet, I will stick with this definition as a baseline and go forth from here.  However, I will expand my concept of dignity to say that it should be accorded starting from birth and carried forward throughout life.  Dignity should not be something for which you become eligible at a prescribed point in time like driving or voting.

Accorded dignity
Accorded dignity.  Dignity in action.  Dignity in action is similar to the act of breathing; it is a background function that happens.  It is the behavior of people towards themselves or another when their actions presume honor and respect is deserved. Dignity in action can be as simple as someone acknowledging your smile with a smile in return or it can be the ability for one to hold his or her head up after a personal setback.  It can be as complex as creating an atmosphere in which someone can feel comfortable without fear of judgment or retribution.  Because it is such a background function, dignity is not really highlighted until there is a problem – dignity denied.

Denied dignity
Denied dignity is the area mostly in which discussions surrounding dignity take place.  Those moments where, as a witness, you feel some degree of discomfort with the displayed behavior towards another.  That “gut feeling” that the social dynamic is wrong.  At times, it can be perceived as injustice, other times simply mean behavior.  It is what transpires when someone acts without the presumption that honor and respect is deserved.  Denied dignity, often perpetrated by others, can be self-perpetuated as well.  A person who repeatedly accepts bad treatment from others without attempting to change the situation or who, by their own actions, abuses themselves deny themselves honor and respect.  I have countless experiences that I can recount where I feel that my dignity had been denied.  However, more telling are the experiences that I am honest enough to acknowledge where I have denied dignity to myself or someone else. 

Dehumanization
The reason that people’s willingness to deny the dignity of others concerns me is the ultimate denial of another – dehumanization.  The myriad (and sometimes innocuous) ways in which dignity is denied to others, if repeated in a concerted manner, can lead to dehumanization.   If someone or a group of people is consistently viewed as not deserving honor or respect, over time they may not be viewed as deserving the more humanizing emotions such as understanding, compassion, sympathy or empathy. 

There is a diversity of people in the world who differ by all types of social constructs – religion, race, gender, sexuality, nationality, education, income and the list goes on and on.  Yet, at the core of each individual’s existence is his or her universal, innate humanity.  In dealing with others, I try to focus more on the commonalities more so than the differences.  Dignity and humanity are where I strive to focus, because, after that, the myriad differences are just that – differences. 

Bridge differences with dignity and humanity.  Try love.  The world needs it.

Books: To Be Continued

Obviously it’s no longer Black History Month.  Not so obvious, I didn’t plan to mention only three books during Black History Month.  The books will be continued during March now that I have the mental bandwidth with which to devote to this endeavor.  I only have a couple more on my list.  Stay tuned…