Juno – Don’t Read If You Plan To Watch…

I went to see Juno Tuesday and enjoyed every minute of it. The movie was both hilarious and heart-warming (at different times of course). However, for those who have no plans whatsoever of watching the movie, I would like to share this wonderful gem that made the movie so right…


Juno MacGuff: Dad, it’s not about that. I just need to know if it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever, or at least for a few years.

Mac MacGuff: It’s not easy, that’s for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I’m proud to say that we’re very happy.

[Juno nods]

Mac MacGuff: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.


Truer words have never been spoken…

The Heartwarming Effects Of Snow

Current mood: as joyfully happy as if I were there

Category: Life

I just read an article on Yahoo whose headline caught my attention: A First! Snow Falls in Baghdad. Not only did the headline catch my attention but the content of the story touched my heart. There are so many stories, worries and concerns about Iraq that the story is a testament to the ability of the human spirit to find joy in the midst of even the worse situations. Best of all, it was free and equally shared among all residents. Enjoy…

Experience Wish List

Current mood:  accomplished

As my birthday was approaching, I wasn’t certain if I would be able to take a trip for my birthday. With that thought in mind, I decided to create a wish list of experiences. The list was mostly old things that I had said I would like to do “someday”. My thought was that I would pick something simple off the list if I didn’t go anywhere and do that thing for my birthday. The easiest item was to go horseback riding. I’ve taken a couple of vacations and said that I would like to go horseback riding but didn’t do it for whatever reason (usually poor planning on my part). Fortunately, I was able to take a short trip for my birthday but decided to still mark one item as complete – the horseback riding. I can now say that I’ve experienced riding a horse other than being at the fair with the horse walking around in a tethered circle. It was a raging success because the horse never fell nor did I fall off the horse. I won’t mention that the horse never galloped…

Since I can now mark that item complete, I decided to think of other experiences that I’d like to mark as complete as well. Some are a little more ambitious because I don’t have a deadline associated with completion. Here are the results:

• To experience sunrise and sunset off the New England Atlantic coast during fall with a fall foliage tour in between.

• To have a private performance of Moonlight Sonata in a dark room with the actual moonlight streaming through the windows (and/or candlelight for the pianist). A professional pianist is not required, just someone who can perform the music well.

• To eat a truffle dish made with actual truffles.

• To stand alone on a stage and sing a song to an audience.

• To spend a day on the ocean, far away from land, on a boat of course – just not a dinghy.

• To spend the night outdoors with the one I love, talking and looking at the stars (before I fall asleep).

Also, one of my accomplishments that I didn’t realize until a few weeks after the fact is that I’ve driven from the east coast to the west coast (Miami to Los Angeles). I didn’t do it at one time but I’ve done different legs over different periods of time resulting in my cross-country travel. With the exception of the leg from Miami to Atlanta, I’ve actually driven across the country within the first six months of this year – alone. Girl Power to the Max!

Nothing Compares

Current mood:  pensive

I took a trip this weekend that was partially a road trip. On a long expanse of interstate with a mix of desert and mountain ranges on each side, I heard Sinead O’Connor’s version of Nothing Compares to You on the radio. My listening choices had been sketchy at best leading up to this point so it was refreshing to hear something that I could relate to, even if the connection was sad. The song perfectly reflects where my heart or mind has been the last couple of months and I decided to belt the song out at the top of my lungs (needless to say, I was in the car alone). Despite the sad nature of the song, I actually felt pretty good afterwards because I am now at a point where I can look at the things that I miss about my ex-boyfriend without crying. I actually felt more like myself while belting that song out than I have in a while.

Unfortunately, the song still holds true – nothing (or no one) compares to him. However I have faith that there will be someone on the horizon who will NOT compare to him because their own qualities will shine through in a way that will brook no comparison. And I will get out of my own way and allow it to happen.

Currently listening:
Nothing Compares 2 U
By Sinead O’Connor

The Father’s Hands

Current mood:  contemplative

Most mornings when I go to work, I take the most direct route along a major thoroughfare to get there. Some mornings when I’ve left at an adequate hour, I can stop and get coffee on the way at my favorite little coffee spot. When I do that, I take a route that meanders through the neighborhood instead. Almost without fail, I see a man walking his two sons to school. The two little boys seem very close in age because of their size, like five and three or six and four. I always smile when I see them because the father walks in a pace that the kids can match and he’s holding one little hand in each of his hands.

This morning when I saw them, it was the thought of those two little hands resting securely in each of his hands that struck me. Generally a mother’s hands provide care and comfort. Yet it is a father’s hands that provide security and safety. When I see the family of three walking together, I think about the security they must feel walking hand-in-hand with their father as they face a new day outside of the home. In their world, he probably can stop a car, take out a bully and send a vicious dog yelping for help, all without letting go of their hands. This gentle transition from the known comfort of home through the chaotic world outside of their home is one of the best gifts that this father can give. Later in life, they may not exactly remember these moments but I will. I call it love.

Much Is Well Within My Soul

Current mood:  content

Despite my having dreaded Mother’s Day coming, I am quite content at this moment. I woke up pretty excited Saturday morning because I was going to take a class in a subject that I’ve been interested in. After taking the class, I came home and kind of cleaned up, listened to music and fell asleep, mercifully so because I had been having problems sleeping all week. I woke up Sunday and I actually still felt quite good. I continued cleaning up and eventually put on clothes and went out to enjoy the beautiful day Sunday turned out to be.

There are many things that I don’t have. However I now feel that the things I currently have are enough and I have enough hope and/or faith that the things that are missing will eventually come. Each day since I woke up Saturday has been its own special little treat. My heart doesn’t feel as heavy as it has in the past and I feel that maybe, just maybe, I’m healing. Life is good and I feel good. For that, I’m grateful.

Currently listening:
Piano Classics
By Ludwig van Beethoven
Release date: 21 March, 2000

Mothers

Mother’s Day is this weekend and if I could skip this weekend I would. My mother died when I was 16 and Mother’s Day and the lead up to it has always been an awkward period for me to navigate. For the most part, I can move through life without having to publicly acknowledge that my mother is dead. It is very seldom that people ask the question (other than doctors and then it is a clinical question), therefore I don’t have to deal with the awkward moment afterwards where the person is embarrassed to have asked or the emotions that the question brings to the surface.

One thing that I’m realizing more and more is that my mother died when I was 16 but my need for a mother didn’t magically stop then. I’ve created various coping strategies to navigate through life without a mother but ultimately that is a definite void in my life. When I have a problem, I can’t call my mother to ask for advice or just to have her talk it through with me. When I have a tremendous accomplishment, I can’t call her first to share the news. I have family and friends that I do call but they are a poor stand-in through no fault of their own, they’re just not my mother.

A mother’s memory of you begins long before you are actually born. To a mother, you are that first fluttering sensation that she feels in her womb. You are the frightened (or excited) face she leaves behind on the first day of school or daycare. You are the victorious kid who rode the bike without training wheels or a guiding hand – and most importantly, without falling. To your mother you are the sum of all of the periods in your life, not just who you are today. It is from that perspective that a mother is able to offer reassurances about problems and congratulations for accomplishments that no one else is able to provide. I wish I had that.

On the flip side of this, I wish I knew my mother better. My only view of her is as my mother, however she had hopes, dreams and disappointments as a person and I don’t know those either.

I’ll close this by saying that I miss having a mother on days good and bad. That’s from the external 35 year-old me and the internal 16 year-old me as well.

My Life Is Moving In A Positive Direction

Current mood:  accomplished

This past week the division that I’m a part of had a large conference that occurs every two years. The conference involves the president of the division and some of his key direct reports presenting information to the hierarchy of division heads above our division, including the CEO of the overall parent company. The person who generally works these conferences left on maternity leave exactly two weeks prior to the conference. I had been working with her for six weeks prior to her leaving so I was somewhat aware of the magnitude of work coming my way. The whole time I’ve been there, people have expressed concern about my ability to handle stress or pressure. At times it felt more like an indictment (we don’t think you CAN handle pressure) as opposed to a hypothetical question.

The week of the conference arrived and so did the presenters and attendees from the various parts of the country and world. There were people in from Texas, the Middle East, the Netherlands and the UK. Despite having not known them in advance, we were able to quickly build a working rapport that allowed them to feel comfortable with my ability to get them through the presentation dry-runs and the presentation itself. That is until I ran into a piece of career sabotage.

The conference room had a huge screen that could project two slides at once. For each screen, there was one copy of the presentation – a left copy and a right copy. For information projected on the left, we had to hide the evenly numbered slides and vice-versa for the right. There was another assistant who also was there and she copied and pasted the first three introductory pages of one person’s presentation deep into the body of the presentation. I caught what she had done before the group had gotten to that file and the A/V guy made the change to the presentation – or so I thought. I was called into the room where the presentations were being rehearsed so that I could make on the spot changes as they were rehearsing. That same error appeared on the screen despite the earlier correction. At that point, I didn’t know if she went back in to screw up the presentation or if the A/V guy didn’t save the changes he made. The information was on an accessible server so I made the decision to take my original copies and make a new folder in an obscure location and work from that. It worked like a charm. No other problems after that.

The day of the conference, I was up early (despite being up very late working on getting the books together) and in the conference room correcting one of the books. I also had the A/V equipment running in the event anyone wanted to practice or review one more time. I had the president’s presentation up and ready to go, then went to eat breakfast. When I came back, he was already in the midst of his presentation rehearsal. We were able to make one spot change, then everyone else worked through their presentations one last time as well. As the start time was getting closer, I left the room and went to play catch-up on the work I had ignored throughout the week.

Once the conference was over, everyone was smiles and happiness. I mainly thought of it as being relief that it was over. However, there was one aspect of the smiles of which I wasn’t immediately aware. I made my career with that day. I had been hired on a temp-to-perm basis which generally lasts ninety days. However, because of my ability to handle all of the crazy stress and loads of work, the president decided to offer me a permanent position before my ninety days were up. I’ve had this happen before and that was when I started working for my former boss that I worked with for six years almost.

Needless to say, this development has been a reaffirming moment for me at a time when life has definitely been not-so-affirming. When I found out, I gave myself a mental high-five.

More Gun Stories (I Thought I Was Finished)

Current mood: perplexed

In a strange twist of weird fate, I posted a rant yesterday about gunshots I heard in the neighborhood. Late yesterday afternoon, a coworker was telling me about the worst shooting incident in US history at Virginia Tech. I later read about it online.

What is going on? The last photo I’ve posted is very telling of our gun obsession if anything…